(no subject)

[dansdansdans]

I printed out my application paper for the school I want to go to. I need to copy some papers, mail people I'd like to write down as references and write a personal letter. Those letters. I always angst so much about them. Last time I think I rewrote it like 8 times. I did get called to a lot of interviews and auditions thanks to it though.

And now I'm filled with fear again.
If i do this, if I apply and get in to this school I can't back out. If I get in I have to really commit myself and above all, I need to believe in myself and in my ability. That's really were the problem lies. I have such problems believing in myself, believing that I'm good enough. I hate this feeling. I'm not an insecure person per say, I'm confident in myself, who I am as a person. But this damn fear of failing the only thing I really really want is making me doubt myself so much. It's just, if I wont be able to pull this off, if I won't be able to become an actress, how will I pick myself up afterwards? What will I do? What else can I see myself doing? The sad thing is, there's nothing else. Nothing. It's dangerous to think this was, this or nothing. But I honestly can't see myself doing anything else.

Can someone just make all these thoughts disappear? X___X

Comments

[girlearthless.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I think you can do it! I kind of understand how you feel in terms of not being able to believe in myself and thinking "am I good enough?" "what if I fail?" and it's almost paralyzing to the point where I won't even try. But since you know that this is where you see yourself going, I'm going to say go for it! You never know until you try right? It'll be okay. Best of luck on your applications!

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* Thank you for your words! It's difficult to face your fears like this, but if I do I will also be able to do what I most want to do, so it's worth it. ^^