(no subject)

[dansdansdans]

I printed out my application paper for the school I want to go to. I need to copy some papers, mail people I'd like to write down as references and write a personal letter. Those letters. I always angst so much about them. Last time I think I rewrote it like 8 times. I did get called to a lot of interviews and auditions thanks to it though.

And now I'm filled with fear again.
If i do this, if I apply and get in to this school I can't back out. If I get in I have to really commit myself and above all, I need to believe in myself and in my ability. That's really were the problem lies. I have such problems believing in myself, believing that I'm good enough. I hate this feeling. I'm not an insecure person per say, I'm confident in myself, who I am as a person. But this damn fear of failing the only thing I really really want is making me doubt myself so much. It's just, if I wont be able to pull this off, if I won't be able to become an actress, how will I pick myself up afterwards? What will I do? What else can I see myself doing? The sad thing is, there's nothing else. Nothing. It's dangerous to think this was, this or nothing. But I honestly can't see myself doing anything else.

Can someone just make all these thoughts disappear? X___X

Comments

[girlearthless.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I think you can do it! I kind of understand how you feel in terms of not being able to believe in myself and thinking "am I good enough?" "what if I fail?" and it's almost paralyzing to the point where I won't even try. But since you know that this is where you see yourself going, I'm going to say go for it! You never know until you try right? It'll be okay. Best of luck on your applications!

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* Thank you for your words! It's difficult to face your fears like this, but if I do I will also be able to do what I most want to do, so it's worth it. ^^

[airairo.livejournal.com]

I know it's hard, but you really should believe in yourself!! You've had success before, and you're obviously very passionate about and dedicated to acting. You also seem so animated and excited when you talk about this school, so I know it would be a good thing for you. I don't know how to get rid of the negative thoughts, but if I could, I'd chase them all away! >_< I'll always be around for flailing and distraction and random drabbles and things! <3 *hugs you tight* Good luck to you!!! <3333

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

I'm trying! And somewhere deep down I know that I can do this.. It's just all these What ifs that are making it hard. XDD
And aaw, thank you! I'm glad I've gotten to know you! ♥ *hugs back just as tight*

[orangerobots.livejournal.com]

*fans your fears away* It must be really difficult to push your fears aside to go all out for this - but hey, if you don't try, you never know. As an online friend I definitely see the dedication and passion you have for acting, and I believe you can do it too. So please continue to do your best! :)

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ^______^ I will do my best!

[saru-desu.livejournal.com]

If it's what you really want, just try your best doing it. It's great how you you're confident in yourself and what you're doing, and I think it adds more to your success's percentage. And when you're going to do something such important to you, it's natural to have fear of failing. So don't be worried much about it. I think you should concentrate on your strong point, it'd help both your feeling to be better and your application or interview too.
Good luck! I'll cross my fingers for you get into that school ^^

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you~ All this encouraging has really made me feel better! I will try my best to get in to this school and if I do, I'll see that as a sign to move on to the heavier schools afterwards. ^^

[sacher07.livejournal.com]

Aw, Therese chan >.< I certainly understand your fears, I kinda recognize myself in those thoughts (which surprises me, cause as for self confidence we`re so not alike ^^"), but - apart from the fact that I am sure that you will be able to do this (which doesn`t account for much I am aware, as I don`t have any experience in the field and all... it`s just that I trust into your devotion, and into the fact that true devotion can bring you anywhere you want to be - it`s worth more than just talent. Moreover you have the basis it needs for a good actress, I think, like being an open minded and outgoing person, and having an emotional sensitivity that allows you to understand different characters!), the most important thing is that it`s what you want to do, your dream, the future you see yourself living in. Even though it might hurt if you fail (which you won't, but taking the worst-never-ever-going-to-happen-case-scenario) it will hurt even more to not even have tried. I think there`s nothing as haunting as a dream one never tried to pursue, so I think as for now your main concern should be not to consider if you have the skills it takes (apart from the fact that I trust into your talents as for that, it`s something that can be learned, and improved) but if it will make you truly happy to go to that school, and later to work as an actress - whether that really is the life you`re looking for, or if you`d rather settle for something less exciting but constant. I know you don`t have any illusions as for the fact that working as an actress is hard at times, it`s a constant fight for engagements, and at times you`re just not gonna be what they are looking for - at other times exactly what they need - it`s not always a matter of how good you are, but how good you fit into the picture of a story.
I know it`s hard to trust into oneself at times, moreover if you need to trust into a part of yourself which you can`t measure or test (like for example math skills...), but there`s no way you ever will be 100% sure about that, so maybe you should make your interest and love for acting the first priority and see where it takes you... after asking yourself seriously whether it is what you desire!
And don`t think so much about the "nothing else", cause there is! There`s a lot to do in this world, and if you should indeed decide to not become an actress, there`s other paths to walk as well - maybe not a work as creative, and maybe not as fullfilling, but one that earns you a place to live and the money for vacations in Japan every now and then, and that leaves the time for nice hobbies in your leisure time to live out your creative side. As for the "picking you up" part, you don`t have to necessarily pick up yourself, when being frustrated or scared, let your friends do that, or at least help you ^.^ That`s what friends are for!! It`s a bit tough with me living so far away, but I`ll do my best, and so will your friends in Sweden, and Caro chan, and your parents - everyone who likes you as much as we do!
Puh, that`s been a lot of writing XD Sorry for that ^^""
Big big hug, mata ne ^-^///

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

I'm answering very late. Sorry. What you wrote here really meant so much to me! Thank you! *HUGS* I actuallty started crying a little when I first read it, because I was so moved. ^^;;; I don't know what I did to deserve friends like you~♥ *BIGBIGBIGHUG*