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Oct. 30th, 2009 01:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dansdansdansSo yeah. I'm having the time to be online more and what happens? My computer can't log onto the internet because we have my brother's router which have this strange password that he onlyu had on a tiny note that is now lost. GRRR! I have to use our desktop instead of my lovely shiny computer, and it seems to hate LJ. >_<
Also I'm dealing with a lot of thoughts right now.. So I went to the audition thingie and well. It was in two parts, one group improvisation with 4 other, we got a circumstance and 30 minutes to work on it before we got infront of the jury. I was so bad. A lot of insecurities and also a way of acting I'm not fond of. I love impro, but this was more like hello! look at me! ME ME ME! and the whole thing about seeing what happens around you just disappeared and in that I guess my confidence disappeared too. I just didn't take all that space I should have to be noticed and yeah. Fail.
After that was the mono0logues. A monologue of two minutes, nothing more. I had thought it was three, because that's what the other schools have. But nono. And I got all, OMG I need to shorten it with one minute and blabla. I also took out some parts and put in some others, since I used the monologue I'm working with in school, which is 15-20 minutes long.
I don't remember the last time I was as nervous as when I was waiting outside for my turn. Butterflies from toes to head and I was shaking a little and like.. yeah.. So nervous.
The good thing was that all of that just disappeared once on stage doing my monologue. Which was shorter than I thought, I was sure they were going to stop me before I had the time to end it, since they were really strict on the 2 minutes sharp-thingie. They didn't. And it felt really good.. Then there was the lunchbreak from 12 to 13.30. >_< After that the judges had decided which ones they wanted to see in the next round. To sit there and wait for that damn list to come up. Not fun. And then my name wasn't on it, and eventhough I suspected it, with the impro going real bad, I still felt that the monologue was good and I had a chance.. So yeah.. Still, people getting in on their first try is very rare.. Most people apply 8-10 times before getting in (if they ever).. But still.. It's so damn easy to start feeling down and doubting your own abilities.
Which I just can't when trying to become and actress. There is no room for that, because I will get noes all the time, and maybe here and there a yes, but the buisness is rough and I need to be able to handle that.
Oh well. My next thing is in Stockholm in little more than two weeks. I need to learn two more monologues until then and just hope for the best.. I just really need to prepare for this. I don't want to go there feeling I haven't worked on it properly. XD
Ugh.
IDK. Right now I'm feeling quite down. Not really because of the audition, but because I'm having all these OH GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?!!!!!-thoughts right now. I have this year planned out, but then?? I need to have some sort of plan. Ugh. I'll deal with that later.. I'm just far too up-tight right now.
In funnier news our class did a cabaret a few weeks ago. It was really stressful, because the preparing time was short, but it turned out really great and it was such a kick to do it. There was this one little sketch that I had problems with when rehearsing that was great doing once we were up for real. All my insecurities disappear when it's the real thing, because I don't want to get up on stage to do some half-assed thing when I know I have much more to give.
Also I sang on stage for the first time in ages. It was fun. :D
Tomorrow I'll be meeting some friends in their new apartment and spending time with my dad, since mum is doing something with some friends.
It's nice being home a little. And I love to cuddle with my cat and my dog. My cat has gotten really fat lately though. Not healthy for her but well, she eats like a horse. XD
Ok. Enough of me really. HOW ARE YOU LOVELY PEOPLE? ♥
Also I'm dealing with a lot of thoughts right now.. So I went to the audition thingie and well. It was in two parts, one group improvisation with 4 other, we got a circumstance and 30 minutes to work on it before we got infront of the jury. I was so bad. A lot of insecurities and also a way of acting I'm not fond of. I love impro, but this was more like hello! look at me! ME ME ME! and the whole thing about seeing what happens around you just disappeared and in that I guess my confidence disappeared too. I just didn't take all that space I should have to be noticed and yeah. Fail.
After that was the mono0logues. A monologue of two minutes, nothing more. I had thought it was three, because that's what the other schools have. But nono. And I got all, OMG I need to shorten it with one minute and blabla. I also took out some parts and put in some others, since I used the monologue I'm working with in school, which is 15-20 minutes long.
I don't remember the last time I was as nervous as when I was waiting outside for my turn. Butterflies from toes to head and I was shaking a little and like.. yeah.. So nervous.
The good thing was that all of that just disappeared once on stage doing my monologue. Which was shorter than I thought, I was sure they were going to stop me before I had the time to end it, since they were really strict on the 2 minutes sharp-thingie. They didn't. And it felt really good.. Then there was the lunchbreak from 12 to 13.30. >_< After that the judges had decided which ones they wanted to see in the next round. To sit there and wait for that damn list to come up. Not fun. And then my name wasn't on it, and eventhough I suspected it, with the impro going real bad, I still felt that the monologue was good and I had a chance.. So yeah.. Still, people getting in on their first try is very rare.. Most people apply 8-10 times before getting in (if they ever).. But still.. It's so damn easy to start feeling down and doubting your own abilities.
Which I just can't when trying to become and actress. There is no room for that, because I will get noes all the time, and maybe here and there a yes, but the buisness is rough and I need to be able to handle that.
Oh well. My next thing is in Stockholm in little more than two weeks. I need to learn two more monologues until then and just hope for the best.. I just really need to prepare for this. I don't want to go there feeling I haven't worked on it properly. XD
Ugh.
IDK. Right now I'm feeling quite down. Not really because of the audition, but because I'm having all these OH GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?!!!!!-thoughts right now. I have this year planned out, but then?? I need to have some sort of plan. Ugh. I'll deal with that later.. I'm just far too up-tight right now.
In funnier news our class did a cabaret a few weeks ago. It was really stressful, because the preparing time was short, but it turned out really great and it was such a kick to do it. There was this one little sketch that I had problems with when rehearsing that was great doing once we were up for real. All my insecurities disappear when it's the real thing, because I don't want to get up on stage to do some half-assed thing when I know I have much more to give.
Also I sang on stage for the first time in ages. It was fun. :D
Tomorrow I'll be meeting some friends in their new apartment and spending time with my dad, since mum is doing something with some friends.
It's nice being home a little. And I love to cuddle with my cat and my dog. My cat has gotten really fat lately though. Not healthy for her but well, she eats like a horse. XD
Ok. Enough of me really. HOW ARE YOU LOVELY PEOPLE? ♥
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no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 01:04 am (UTC)Also, remember a year is longer than you think! Lots of things can happen in a year. ;) I'm sure you'll work it out! ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 04:03 am (UTC)that's a good thing!
but because I'm having all these OH GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?!
don't freak out just yet! it's still early, you'll eventually find out what you can do or able to do and be really good at it! just relax and enjoy life, that's the best thing to do right now :)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 08:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-30 02:51 pm (UTC)And your e-mail address is not working ô.ô
Did you get a new one?
no subject
Date: 2009-10-31 03:49 am (UTC)I'm also in crisis at the moment. With this whole "What should I do now" and "Where is my life taking me" thingies. My last presentation at college is one week from now, and I'm simply freaking out. Plus, if I manage to graduate, I don't even know when I'm getting a job actually XD!! But I'm trying to relax and you should do the same!!
Take care!! <3