(no subject)

I printed out my application paper for the school I want to go to. I need to copy some papers, mail people I'd like to write down as references and write a personal letter. Those letters. I always angst so much about them. Last time I think I rewrote it like 8 times. I did get called to a lot of interviews and auditions thanks to it though.

And now I'm filled with fear again.
If i do this, if I apply and get in to this school I can't back out. If I get in I have to really commit myself and above all, I need to believe in myself and in my ability. That's really were the problem lies. I have such problems believing in myself, believing that I'm good enough. I hate this feeling. I'm not an insecure person per say, I'm confident in myself, who I am as a person. But this damn fear of failing the only thing I really really want is making me doubt myself so much. It's just, if I wont be able to pull this off, if I won't be able to become an actress, how will I pick myself up afterwards? What will I do? What else can I see myself doing? The sad thing is, there's nothing else. Nothing. It's dangerous to think this was, this or nothing. But I honestly can't see myself doing anything else.

Can someone just make all these thoughts disappear? X___X