(no subject)

[dansdansdans]

I printed out my application paper for the school I want to go to. I need to copy some papers, mail people I'd like to write down as references and write a personal letter. Those letters. I always angst so much about them. Last time I think I rewrote it like 8 times. I did get called to a lot of interviews and auditions thanks to it though.

And now I'm filled with fear again.
If i do this, if I apply and get in to this school I can't back out. If I get in I have to really commit myself and above all, I need to believe in myself and in my ability. That's really were the problem lies. I have such problems believing in myself, believing that I'm good enough. I hate this feeling. I'm not an insecure person per say, I'm confident in myself, who I am as a person. But this damn fear of failing the only thing I really really want is making me doubt myself so much. It's just, if I wont be able to pull this off, if I won't be able to become an actress, how will I pick myself up afterwards? What will I do? What else can I see myself doing? The sad thing is, there's nothing else. Nothing. It's dangerous to think this was, this or nothing. But I honestly can't see myself doing anything else.

Can someone just make all these thoughts disappear? X___X

Comments

[airairo.livejournal.com]

I know it's hard, but you really should believe in yourself!! You've had success before, and you're obviously very passionate about and dedicated to acting. You also seem so animated and excited when you talk about this school, so I know it would be a good thing for you. I don't know how to get rid of the negative thoughts, but if I could, I'd chase them all away! >_< I'll always be around for flailing and distraction and random drabbles and things! <3 *hugs you tight* Good luck to you!!! <3333

[therese-chan.livejournal.com]

I'm trying! And somewhere deep down I know that I can do this.. It's just all these What ifs that are making it hard. XDD
And aaw, thank you! I'm glad I've gotten to know you! ♥ *hugs back just as tight*